You should know that I was THAT girl who believed I could never be gutsy enough to cut my hair all off. For those of you who are used to wearing short hair all the time, this is perhaps a style preference.
My name is Renaissance Marie Austin and I have finally built up the courage to tell my story. But first, let me lay the groundwo...
Let's start with healing from trauma. By now, perhaps, most of you have read my life story. It's featured right here on my blog. It may need updating. Nonetheless, it clearly outlines the trauma I have experienced from the age of five until now. Things have turned for the better though, because enlightenment has come to me in the most interesting ways and just in the past months alone.
It all began January 1, 2022 after a series of events that took place over the holidays. Let me explain. My sister lost her mother between Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2021. It was my first time spending the holidays with my her and niece as they had gone vegan because of me and over the course of the year we'd been spending time together, considering my sister was working from home and my niece was in the same position I was in, collecting aid from the state due to the pandemic. The three of us had been quite inseparable. They even added me to their podcast. The understanding was that when my sister's mom transitioned I would then move in and the three of us would continue on and thrive accordingly. That did not happen and it's all I am going to say about that.
Want to know how to truly change your life and get a handle on your emotions and thoughts? Intention. There is more to the science of this intention of which I will write about in another post, but at the top of the year I made a very intentional decision to finally and fully heal from all the family and workplace trauma I had experienced over my life, and what happened over the holidays was the last straw for me. When I tell you I needed time, I NEEDED time. Time to process everything. I started with a 30 day hiatus from people and the world, to evaluate that particular situation as well as reflect on all that had happened to me. The good and bad.
It seems to me that if you are the type of person who strives to continuously improve from within, at some point in your life you will get to a place where letting go becomes uberly the most real it has ever been. Come January 1, 2022, I landed in that place. I was done with trying to hold on, feeling disappointed, angry, and being in denial about who and and what everyone truly was to me, both friends and family. I mean, I am telling you, I was tired. This was the finality of tired, of which I could not continue another year. Letting go meant that I was not going to cry or feel sad about what should or could have been. I was not going to allow past hurts to dictate my future plans or interactions with people crossing my path somewhere down the road. So, I got serious about my affirmations. I had been listening to them previously, but with distraction. This time, I set a goal of immersing myself deeply into my affirmations for 30 days giving them my full attention, and boy did I really see the power of energy, which is another subject I will talk specifically about another time. This goes to show that if there is no true intention behind something you are doing there may be no real results. I want to make sure I reiterate that I only saw a change in energy when I got focused, serious, and removed all distractions.
Daily, upon waking up, throughout the hours, and during sleep, I played affirmations. I have very specific You Tube channels I follow because, again, energy is specialized. It is important that if you are going to involve yourself with affirmations and learn meditation you must first research hertz, sound frequency units, and have some knowledge of the ins and outs of meditation. You should know what you are doing. Fortunately, I learned sound frequency in music production in college and this knowledge was a gamechanger. Scientific data shows that sound frequencies biologically affect the human body in both positive and negative ways, which usually takes place through music consumption. Have you noticed how much sound baths, vibrations, calming and soothing music has grown in the past decade? You Tube has always been an outlet, but now we have apps and various tools to help positively charge our environments. My goal was to raise my frequency by one, taking a break from listening to commercial music, including Billie's music. Lol. Yes, yall. I actually took a break from Billie. And two, taking in instrumental triumphant music in the mornings. This type of music made be feel mentally strong and victorious. I felt as though I could tackle the day with confidence and without worry. Thirdly, I consumed I AM affirmations I could either only listen to or repeat them out loud, although I found that most times it was best to just sit (I like standing) in silence and listen to the I AM affirmations. There is a time to repeat them, but I would say to listen to your gut on that one. Sometimes, we can distract ourselves by talking out loud. Another important factor about I AM affirmations is to make sure they match where you are mentally and spiritually at the given moment. You could write your own, but sometimes a person is not in the proper mental state to write their own while in the midst of healing. Besides, there are plenty of amazing I AM affirmations out there that will fit perfectly with where you are and take you to where you need to be. You need to search for what is right for you and create a playlist. I found that I AM affirmations gave me much focus in completing daily tasks, making me highly productive, and taking away feelings of frustration. Then finally, at night I would focus on deeper sub-bass frequencies that were soothing for sleeping. It is important to be mindful of the major and minor here. For me, I stuck with the major because it is lightweight and more positive, even at a lower hertz. Minor is usually sad and sultry. Great for a fire song, but not for the practice of healing. Truthfully, gaging various frequencies will help you become more aware of the energies that circulate throughout your system and the world. Look, if you are listening to a sound that makes you feel uneasy, find another sound that makes you feel good and stick with that one. Not everyone knows what they are doing and some people are purposely putting out dark frequencies because, well, we live in a world of dark and light and that's just the way it is. So, you will also learn how to differentiate between dark and light energies and hopefully operate in the light. One final note about my healing, is that instead of being sucked into the current state of world events, I wanted to be sucked out of all that was and still is happening. As an empath, I was overly affected by all that was going on and to save my mind it was important for me to literally rise above the fear and sensationalism of the world we live in. I will talk about this more later as this is a very detailed subject matter.
The affirmations had a positive affect on my daily life. I noticed how when I operated in peace and calm, I was treated differently. People waved at me and came up to me to tell me they noticed me and wanted to simply say hello. I smiled at people, made conversation, and focused on the current moment I was in. I noticed how blue the sky was and how pretty the clouds were. I people-watched and contemplated positively. I did not think ahead nor did I worry about the future. I kept up this practice daily without being deterred or shaken whatsoever. Then, fourteen days into January, something amazing happened. I received a text message from Support + Feed, the organization founded and started by Billie Eilish's mom, Maggie Baird. See, I had completely forgotten that I planted a seed sometime in October or early November when a text message went out calling for new volunteers. With no fear or expectation, I filled out a form and sent it off. Perhaps, it was two or three months that had gone by, but by January 16th, 2022, I was on a Zoom call hosted by Maggie Baird. Now I have already signed an NDA, so there's not much to share, really. I just want you guys to see what faith, harvest, and supernatural orchestration looks like. Now, this last statement is an essay within itself and I will be writing more about it later. For now, I confirm that I have been a Support + Feed volunteer since January 2022. A dream fulfilled.
Let me conclude with this. We live and operate through circulating energy within and without. It is much deeper than you know. You and I have the ability to act and react according to energy. Not everything is in our control because we are here to experience lessons that help develop our spiritual being. We do not chose to be born nor do we choose the family we are born into. And don't get me wrong. There are some great families out there that have done right by their offspring for sure, but my story is my story and I am here to tell it. Hopefully, what I have to say will help someone. The letting go is just that. Whether someone is your blood relative or not, you have to let go of any and all strongholds no matter where they come from. If you do not, you can not move forward. I believe that my very intentional choice to heal and let go of what I believed my immediate family and friends should be to me, helped opened up the door to the this opportunity because I was engaged in a mental reset and preparing myself for the year's blessings. Keep in mind that even though I planted the seed, does not mean that I would have ever been contacted. I could have been completely ignored. It happens all the time. I believe it was meant for me to be contacted. I have now moved into a different phase of life because I chose to detach from what was keeping me stuck. Just know that the minute you become serious about healing, people act strangely funny. The truth is it was inside of them all along and they have always known the greatness inside of you hoping YOU will never know the greatness inside of you. Once you do, there is nothing they can do about it. Most of the family and friends you thought you knew will be long gone and you will be pushed into a new community of associates.
Finally, I am excited to share more with you about all the happenings that have taken place over the past several months. I know I do not allow comments on this blog, but if anyone wants to privately share their thoughts about anything I write please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.